You guys, I had an epiphany while cleaning out my closet this week. After yanking a few too many embarrassingly outdated and cringe-worthy shirts/dresses off the hangers, each new emerging item prompting an incredulous
what was I thinking?!, only one explanation remains: I don't know how to dress myself.
Just take a gander at the following gems unearthed from circa 2008, thankfully long forgotten in back corners, and you'll agree. Let's take a trip down clothing-challenged memory lane, shall we?
sentence rhyming, heyo!
Out of respect to your corneas, I've photographed these bad boys on the hanger to spare you the horror of what they actually look like
on.
While I'd love to say this is one of those charmingly over-sized "boyfriend" shirts, let's not kid ourselves here. When I bought this, my mom bought a matching version in mustard/black and we wore them with leggings and marched around town thinking we were hot stuff.
For a 5'3" shorty like myself, there's just no way a boxy, shapeless, midriff-length jacket will look flattering. I bought it anyways. And that color? Terrible idea for dirty New York City streets.
Is this dress a smock for 3rd grade art class? Those front pockets
do look very handy for paintbrush storage. Regrettably, only my 2008 self can answer that question.
Ah, bedazzled tees. And acid wash. And painted peacocks. I think I envisioned myself buying a real piece of art with this little number. Frameworthy? Absolutely.
You know the one. The dress that's a little bit slinky & hugs your curves in all the right places? Well, when it's Kate Upton's hourglass figure underneath, sure. Mine? Not so much.
There were more, but these were the top offenders. Seriously, what
was I thinking?!
In the immortal words of Heidi Klum,
Auf Vitazen!
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